Why am I Starting a Blog?

The conversation surrounding mental health is becoming more and more mainstream. Celebrities write books about their struggles. Hollywood produces shows and movies focused on these topics. Social media influencers open up about eating disorders or anxiety. And yet, there are still so many people lost in the fog.

I’ve been in therapy off-and-on for almost 2 ½ years. While talking about my problems does help, I am a classic over-thinker. That means, I will analyze my problems to death and work myself up to a full-blown panic-attack for no reason whatsoever. Recently, I’ve realized I need to change how I approach my disordered though patterns, my eating disorders, my anxiety and my depression. I need to change my mindset. I need a new method of treatment. I need a checklist. I need actionable steps to take.

That’s what this blog is. I feel like I always see people talking about their struggles in the past tense. They survived. But how did they survive? What changed? What steps did they take? So today I am embracing my role as the lab rat. I will write about the steps I am taking to battle my mental and emotional health struggles in an attempt to provide a step-by-step guide to those looking for help in their own battle.

But who am I? I think it’s time for me to introduce myself properly! My name is Melody Mae and I am 24 years old. And yes, I can sing, thankfully. I live in a small town in Virginia. I am 6’2 and played basketball for 2 years in middle school. I HATED it. If I could have just stood under the basket and not moved, I would have had a great time. But the running killed me… I have always had an overactive imagination. Playing pretend was my favorite pass-time as a kid. I was a lion one day, a mermaid the next. That imagination never dulled – I entered high school with a passion for acting and singing. In college I became obsessed with cinema. I was accepted into a great film program, but had to drop out last minute. I look back and see that decision to drop out as my greatest mistake. I convinced myself I had to take care of someone and that following my dream was not that important. I regret that decision because it was not my responsibility to fix their problems. And a year later that someone caused the most traumatic event of my life.

Depression took hold. Suicidal thoughts crept in. Multiple eating disorders made themselves known. Anxiety pushed me under. And in 2018, the breakdown occurred. So here I am. I finally see a purpose to all of it. I have been put on this planet to help those who feel trapped inside their own minds. Those who yearn for a sense of safety. Those who don’t trust their own intuition. Those who have been taught to hate their bodies and ruin their relationship with food in order to change it.

So no more excuses. No more hiding. Join me on this journey – it’s sure to be an interesting ride.